East Jesus, Alabama, August 4, 2009
FOX News reports that J. C. "Jugs" Scruggs, leader of the Birther Movement has uncovered incontrovertible evidence that not only was Barack Obama not born in the United States, but that all black people residing here were born in Kenya. Scruggs and his researchers have obtained copies of the birth certificates of all 36,000,000 African-Americans which prove that they were all born on foreign soil, entered the U.S. illegally and are hence subject to immediate deportation. Many of the documents were written in crayon on the backs of Walmart receipts, but, Scruggs explained, "that's the way they do stuff in Africa".
The Birthers are also currently putting the finishing touches on...strike that... assembling additional evidence that apparently proves that all Jews in the U.S. were born in Israel, all Hispanics in Mexico, and all Muslims in Baghdad. In fact, Scruggs asserts that everyone except for white Christian southerners was born elsewhere and should be deported immediately. The only two exceptions admitted by the Birthers were, on the one hand, ostensible southern white-trasher Bill Clinton, whose real name turned out to be Vasily Clintonovich and who was born in Moscow and is therefore subject to deportation, and, on the other, some Italian guy in NJ who they recommended be allowed to stay owing to the fact that "he has the right attitude and is a pretty good guy for a Pope loving dago".
Scruggs went on, "We ain't got nothin' against nigras, spics, hebes, wops, chinks, rag-heads or nobody else. We're Christian people and we love ever'body. But this is a nation of laws and these people entered this great country of ours illegally. Hell, my daddy coulda died defending this country and its laws and he maybe woulda died if'n he had been in the military, and I'm goldurned if I'm gonna stand by and see the sacrifice he mighta made go fer nothin. That's what this is about; upholding the goldurn law. The fact that lots of them smell bad or killed Christ or whatever ain't got nothin' to do with it."
Scruggs was immediately declared the front runner for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination by main stream media publications across the political spectrum, including the august NY Times. As to Scruggs's claims regarding the non-citizen status of 85% of the country's population, the Times, hewing to its longstanding policy of objectivity and even-handedness, characterized the assertion as "disputed by some", and offered Scruggs a weekly column on the op ed page.
In my opinion the Republican Party has been taken over the most extreme religious right (people who love to push their beliefs on others while trying to take away their rights) and that’s who they need to focus on if they real want to win. Good Luck, because as they said in WACO, “We Ain’t Coming Out”.
ReplyDeleteIn the same vein, to all the birthers in La, La Land, it is on you to prove to all of us that your assertion is true, if there are people who were there and support your position then show us the video (everyone has a price), either put up or frankly shut-up. I heard Orly Taitz, is selling a tape (I think it’s called “Money, Lies and Video tape”). She is from Orange County, CA, now I know what the mean when they say “behind the Orange Curtain”, when they talk about Orange County, the captial of Conspiracy Theories. You know Obama has a passport, he travel abroad before he was a Senator, but I guess he fooled them too?